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Flash Friday 29/11/2013: Weapon of Choice (Part 14 – FINALE)

November 29, 2013

Weapon of Chocie

Click here for Part 13!

Or, you can find Part 1 here!

Dennis slumped into his chair.

He had done it. He had finally done it. He had done his god-given quest and took revenge for his parents death. Well, alright, he didn’t avenge them so much as turn their attacker into something a little more embarrassing. If he strained his ears enough, he could probably hear the coffins spinning.

But what did he care? He’d done it, after all. All that was requested is that he got revenge for his parents, and he did. Now, he could sit back, relax, and try to forget anything that ever happened. There was still time to fit a life in after his vicious mental scarring.

There was a knock at the door.

Dennis picked himself up, grumbling as he went. It was probably someone going to say ‘well done’ and give him a present he’d never use. Or someone keen to ‘take him out’ to celebrate his victory. Dennis didn’t want either of those things. He just wanted a nice, big helping of being left the hell alone. A few centuries might do it.

It was Livia.

“Hey,” she said with a wave. “Do you mind if I crash with you?”

“Why on earth would you want to do that?”

“It’s weird, I know, but…well, remember the dragon you saved me from? Yeah, he has friends.

“Friends?”

“See, the dragon was promised by the quest that he’d be able to eat Samuel, but after you came in and did your business, they aren’t happy. I heard that they’ve crashed at my parents place to wait for my return.”

“Oh goodness,” Dennis said. “And they’ll kill you if you go home?”

“No,” Livia said. “They’d just put me into Damsel School and stick me on another stake somewhere.”

“Good heavens. Maybe death would have been better.”

“Death or not, I think it’d be wisest to hide with you for a bit. Unless you object to it, of course?”

“I’m going to wager that you have five very good reasons for me to say yes, and they’re all at the base of your fingers on your right hand.”

“Oh,” Livia said, giving a sweet smile as she entered. “So you catch on quickly, I see.”

“I don’t have any problems understanding you,” Dennis said, letting her. “I just want to know why he’s here.”

Edmond snorted. “I have a name, you know. And an outstanding bill.”

“A bill? But I didn’t hire you to be a freelance plot device.”

“And you’re correct. This isn’t a payment for my services, neither a payment of money. This, my friend, is the payment for the absolute disgrace of a journey you put a cat though, of all things. Not once did I get petted, complimented, or treated like the VIP that I am. Therefore, I am here to extract my payment.”

Dennis arched an eyebrow. “Not of money, though?”

“Correct. This is a payment of letting me sleep on your laundry, eating the chicken off of your plate, and having you rub my belly only for me to bite your hand a second later. I like the last one the most. It gets them every time. Also, I’ll have some of whatever’s cooking right now.”

“Cooking?” Dennis said. “But I didn’t put anything on.”

Despite that, he could still smell — and now that he was aware of it, hear — something cooking within his own home. Going into the kitchen, he saw the final sight that confirmed that today was not going to be an average day.

“Hello, hero,” Samuel said, with a smile. “Just frying some eggs.”

“But I don’t have any eggs.”

“Of course you do,” Samuel said, picking up the grumpy-looking chicken sitting beside him. With a tight squeeze, it produced an egg. “It’s very handy, you know. If only I could do the same with some rashers of bacon.”

“But,” Dennis said, squinting. “That’s a cockerel. They don’t lay eggs.”

Samuel stared at the bird in confusion. The bird returned with a worried look.

“I guess it’ll be alright if we don’t think about it,” Samuel said, cracking the egg on the pan. “Besides, there’s not much use for him otherwise.”

“Chicken drumsticks says otherwise,” Dennis said. “So I take it you’ll be here as well?”

Samuel’s jaw dropped as he placed a hand to his chest. “Why Dennis,” he said, “you saved me yourself from the clutches of a dragon.”

“Which you put yourself into.”

“The main point is that you saved me from my own predicaments, and I owe you my life. So,” he said, wielding a spatula. “Sunny side up?”

“Sure,” Dennis said, walking out of the kitchen. He only had one location in his mind right now, and that was falling very hard back into his armchair. Unfortuantely, he couldn’t even do that.

“Mm,” Edmond said, snuggling into the cushion. “Still warm.”

“Edmond, please. That’s my chair.”

“Your chair? You weren’t using it.” Edmond unravelled, stretching his legs out. “So now, it’s my chair.”

“Is this part of the payment, too?”

“You betcha. You’ll either have to be on guard more often, or buy more chairs.”

“You better not try that on Livia. Where is she, anyway?”

“Livia?” Edmond said, rolling onto his back ready for sleep. “Said she was gonna check out the neighbourhood.”

Ice hit Dennis’ stomach.

There was a problem being in a farm-based rural town in the middle of the sticks, and that was that nobody got to see many good-looking women. When they did appear like an angel’s blessing, they were the talk of the town for a month, even after they had left. Dennis had hoped to warn Livia about this, but by the time he had gotten to the front door, there was an entire fanclub cooing and making kissy noises in her direction.

Livia wasn’t saying anything. She was simply staring, her right fist balled and shaking, right until the point where she charged.

Dennis sighed as screams pierced the air. A hero’s welcome indeed.

1000 words

Weapon of Choice total words: 13813

Words I regret writing: 0

Thanks for reading and following the tale!

Book Spotlight: Friend Ship — a novellette about the first ever human-level AI, complete with all the worst humanity has to offer. Now with a five-star review!

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3 Comments
  1. ROFL! What a great epilogue! I feel sorry for Dennis but am glad the team isn’t broken up.

  2. LOL. They’ve invaded him. Funny ending.

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