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Flash Friday 03/01/2014: Puppy Love

January 3, 2014

The best part about owning a Labrador is that they are instant chick magnets.

Well, that’s what Graham had heard from his friend, anyway. When it came to Graham himself to attract the attention of the opposite sex, it was like trying to appease a moth with a glow-in-the-dark T-shirt. Futile, misguided, and he looked stupid all throughout the process.

But this dog, apparently, would do the trick. Graham had grounds to believe his friend, given that his friend wouldn’t call a night out successful if he wasn’t carrying a drunken lady over the threshold, even though they definitely weren’t married. Graham didn’t mind, usually because of the hilarious results that came about given that his friend would also be totally hammered, making it less of a carry and more like a caber toss. The point was, his friend knew what he was saying when it came to attracting ladies, so Graham had to blindly follow everything he said in hopes of scoring love. Graham didn’t want any of that intense stuff that his friend got up to, anyway; he just wanted someone to snuggle into on a sofa and watch movies with. Basically, what his friend had, but lighter. The diet version.

At least the dog seemed to be enjoying their current relationship.

Graham never walked a dog before, but he quickly discovered it was like trying to stop a rocket being launched by a particularly eager group of NASA launch engineers, and all Graham could use was a rope. The dog — which he just now decided was called Rocket — seemed to want to partake in everything and anything that happened in the park, only as long as it had nothing to do with making any headway whatsoever. It made lunges for stray frisbees, darts for mis-kicked footballs, and went into hunter mode when a squirrel thought it would be safe to steal a nut off of the floor. After all this effort, Graham couldn’t really say he was making any more progress in his mission for a significant other than what he normally did in terms of showing his peacock feathers. Instead of a bland, uninteresting man, women would see him as a bland, uninteresting man walking a dog. Sometimes, they’d even see the dog walking him. The point is, he couldn’t help but notice that it wasn’t doing anything for him.

He was about to turn around and consider whatever on earth people do to return animals (did he even get a receipt?) when a lady appeared.

“Wow,” she cooed, crouching down next to Rocket. “What a lovely Retriever.”

“Labrador,” Graham managed to say without choking on the word. “Actually.”

“Is it?” the lady said, looking up from petting Rocket’s head. “I’m awful with dog breeds. I like to think I know them, but they all look alike, you know?”

“Uhm,” Graham began. Poodles looked nothing like Lurchers. Pugs looked nothing like Collies. If he wanted to look nothing like a hopeless, anti-social sap, however, he’d have to take one against logic. “Yes, me too. I thought this was a, uh, Greyhound when I got it. Boy, was I wrong, huh?”

“Right,” the lady said, with a smile. “Does he have a name?”

“Rocket,” Graham said, then before he could stop himself; “And do you?”

The lady looked at him with the right amount of suspicion he felt his question would attract. It melted into a smile. “Sandra,” she said. “Sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t just come over and pet your dog without even introducing myself.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Graham said, waving his hands in a dismissive manner. “I shouldn’t have, uh, walked my dog where it’d be petted.”

Sandra snorted. “It’s fine. Rocket is a very nice dog. Aren’t you?” Her tone suddenly changed to a voice like something out of a kid’s television show as she rubbed behind Rocket’s ears. “Aren’t you a lovely dog? Yes you are. You lovely dog, you.”

Rocket’s tail told Graham that Rocket knew he was a lovely dog.

“I love dogs,” Sandra said, standing up. “I’d love to have one of my own one day.”

“R-Really?” Graham said. This must be what dating felt like. “T-That’s nice.”

“I get awfully lonely, see. Living alone does that to you. Of course, it would always be nice to have someone around the house. Someone that could keep me happy during the more depressing nights.”

“R-Really?” Graham said. “Because I…I might be able to supply that?”

“Oh, could you?” Sandra said, her eyes glinting. With a slow and deliberate movement, she took hold of Graham’s right hand. “Would you truly give me that? To make me happy.”

“Well,” Graham said. “I can certainly try.”

“Thank you,” Sandra said, with a sweet smile.

And then, she slipped the lead out from Graham’s hand.

“I’ll let you know how Rocket gets on,” Sandra said, walking Rocket away from Graham. “Thanks again!”

“But–” Graham said, frozen to the spot. “But I thought you were going to–”

But then, his friend’s words rattled within his memory again.

The best part about owning a Labrador is that they are instant chick magnets.

Graham gave a half-hearted wave to Rocket. At least he didn’t buy a car.

From → Flash Friday

  1. I laughed out loud. Fantastic twist.

  2. Great twist! rofl

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