Flash Friday 02/05/2014: Dead Bored
Kralzar the Destroyer probably should have thought about the ramifications of killing everyone on Earth.
He didn’t mean to. Well, okay, he definitely meant to. But he didn’t mean mean to, was the point. Nobody got to tie the suffix ‘the Destroyer’ to the end of their name without proving it. Kralzar offered that he’d kill everyone in the world if a band of heroes didn’t stop his device. He expect them to win — he even let them have a few easy victories when they became weak. In the end, however, they failed to stop the device. Even when Kralzar stopped the device himself, everyone got annoyed and called the entire thing anti-climactic. If there was going to be an apocalypse, there has to be an actual bloody apocalypse. Nobody liked a chicken.
So, there Kralzar was, sitting on his throne made of bone on top of a mountain of skulls. It was a sight to behold, at any rate. When he was eight, his teacher said he couldn’t make anything of himself. Now he has made a graveyard of the entire planet. He would have the last laugh, if he had a teacher to laugh at any more.
That was the real kicker — how nobody was around. He found himself bored, putting his hands into a random skull from the floor and making it speak in funny voices. His brain hadn’t quite caught up with the situation, giving him little inspirations as to how to beat the boredom that were futile. Maybe he could go see a movie down the cinema? Except that everyone there is dead. Perhaps go for a coffee? Baristas are dead. Play a video game? Isn’t so fun to enter an online arena when there’s no-one else to fight. He guessed he could go see something at a theatre or something, except all the actors would be very boring. They wouldn’t even say their lines.
At least he can go to all the secret bits now. Area 51 was open, as well as the White House and MI:5. Nobody would stop him from having a nosey. Even if there were keycards or passwords needed, he had all the time in the world to get through them somehow. Except, what was the bloody point? Oh, so Area 51 actually did experiment on aliens after all. So bloody what? It’s like discovering someone paid $100 less for Broadwalk after everyone landed on the hotels on the dark blues already. And then ten years passed. And then everyone who had played the game died. Who was he going to tell? Who was he going to blow the lid off of? He’d have a buzzing piece of news in his head and nobody to share it with. Now that’s hell.
He was debating the idea of taking up bone sculpting as a hobby, when he heard someone approaching up the moutain.
Well, of course, it couldn’t be someone. As much as his boredom desired it, the notion that someone escaped the apocalypse was impossible. His disappointment, however, was lifted when he realise what exactly was coming up the mountain.
It was a pug.
It was also very determined. Struggling up the mountain, various limbs unlodging from the side as it climbed, it had its eyes locked on Kralzar as if he was the sole reason for its venture. When it reached the top, it happily skipped over to the throne, dropped a femur in front of Kralzar, and barked happily.
Of course. The device was set to kill everyone.
“Do you want to play fetch?” Kralzar said, picking up the bone.
The pug barked happily, wagging its tail and preparing to run backwards.
Kralzar smiled a warm smile, throwing the femur down the mountain. It rebounded off of the sides, making a satisfying tink noise as it did. The pug could have just taken any femur from the pile and called it a day, but that wasn’t just any bone — that was Kralzar’s bone, and it had to be returned to him post-haste. With an excitable face, the pug dog raced back down the mountain, chasing the bone as it cartwheeled down the hill.
Kralzar sat back with a smile. Given how dogs were a man’s best friend, he doubt he’d ever be lonely ever again.