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Flash Friday 11/07/2014: Long-lost Evil

July 11, 2014

“All I’m saying,” Julzar the necromancer said, leaning across the car, “is that if you brought the Infernal Location Device with you, then we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.”

Layre the Medusa took her hands off of the steering wheel to shoot an angry glare at Julzar. The car wasn’t even moving, anyway. Not much traffic to hit in a forest road in the middle of nowhere. “Excuse me? If I brought the device? Why didn’t you bring it?”

“Because I was getting the map.”

“Oh, yes, of course, the map. The map you told me we could acquire in this dimension to better gauge where we are. Then you complained that the entire world had shifted and that the inhabitants wrote in strange runes, which lasted a good twelve hours before you realised it was upside-down.”

“It has been centuries since I last came here. Anything could have happened while I was gone. Besides, I don’t see you making a concerted effort to help get us out of this problem. Have you tried looking for someone to ask for directions?”

Layre didn’t say a word. She simply pointed out of her window, towards the curious-looking human peering through the window. He was going to be peering for a long time, given that his entire body had turned to stone.

“Ah.” Julzar slipped down his chair. “Yes, I suppose that is an issue, isn’t it?”

Both of them stared out of their respective windows — Julzar with thought, and Layre with anger. Layre was tapping on the dashboard with a long nail, causing a repetitive rhythm. Every so often, Julzar would peer over at Layre. She wouldn’t look at him, but the snakes on her head would. He wasn’t sure why the snakes carried the same opinions of people that Layre held. He had never seen a snake give him a cold shoulder before today.

“So…” Julzar began. “Should we go somewhere else?”

“No. I have no idea where we’d go. We have to be safe and not blow our cover for now. Besides, we’ve run out of…” She tapped the dial on the dashboard, its needle pointing to the E. “Whatever the hell this is.”

“Hm.” Julzar leant over to check the dial. “Seems these people still have to feed their transports. So primitive.”

“And we’d probably be able to work it, if you didn’t lie about the technological state of this place.”

“Look, it’s been a while since I came here. Last time I haunted this region, the people were all dressed in potato sacks, and rode around on other animals, and did nothing more than sit about in dirt and wait for electricity to be invented. It was a great holiday destination, a spot of fun on the side of the regular jobs. And now they’ve gone and made these things.” He rapped a knuckle against the car door. “They may be primitive, but they move fast. For a bunch of pansies who can’t even cast a fireball spell, the people here definitely know how to fill the gap that a lack of magic leaves behind.”

“I don’t care about this world’s history. All I care about is that we’re stuck here in some sort of awful metal contraption, with no idea where to go. We would have been fine if we went to the Kingdoms of Alzaea, like I suggested. But no, you wanted something easier. You wanted to revisit an ‘old haunt’ to ‘see how things are kicking’. Then only thing I’ll be kicking is your backside, if you don’t find us a way out soon.”

“I just thought it’d be fun to terrorise a town or two. You know what these guys are like.”

“I do. They’re disgusting. Now, help me find a way to get home. I want to go somewhere actually fun.

“There are fun things you can do here,” Julzar said. The tone of his voice showed he was getting desperate to redeem his image. He leant into the back of the chair, grabbing the newspaper he acquired for research purposes. He flicked through the pages. “Look, see? This looks good, doesn’t it? It’s called, uh…boe-ling. Bowel-ering? Bowling. Something like that.”

Layre blinked, a hint of curiosity in her eyes. “Oh? What do you do in ‘bowling’?”

Julzar peered back into the newspaper. “It appears you throw a heavy ball at some fat, upright sticks. The more sticks you hit with the ball, the more you get. See? You even wear some cute shoes and a hat.”

Layre’s eyes went cold in an instant. She drew a crystal orb from the glove compartment, its innards swirling purple. “Okay, forget it. I’m calling in a dragon.”

Julzar leant over to take the orb from Layre. She responded by moving it away from his reach. “You can’t do that,” Julzar said. “There are no dragons in this world.”

Layre gave a sadistic smile. She tapped the side of the orb, causing its innards to glow bright. She put the orb to one of her ears. Some of the snakes pressed the sides of their heads against the glass to listen in. “Hello?” Layre paused to listen. “Yes, this is Layre. I need a dragon here as soon as you can get one. Yes, a multi-dimensional one. Which dimension?” Layre looked out of the window, up at the sky. “I think they call this place ‘Earth’. Yes, I know Earth doesn’t have any dragons. That’s the fun part. Twenty minutes? Great. See you soon.”

Julzar watched as Layre placed the dimmed orb back into the glove compartment. “Do you realise have you just done?”

Layre gave a false, sweet smile to Julzar as she opened the car door and climbed out. “Made this little excursion a hell of a lot more fun, I think.”

972 words

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7 Comments
  1. I like what you did with the quote I gave you to work off of. I think my favorite bit was the petrified guy. LOL

  2. that is such great story! I love the dragon calling, and how they made fun of the human inventions, wonderful! Nice!

  3. Bowling is a great option. They have all they need to enjoy themselves.

  4. Bowel-ing. Yes, that describes the way I play perfectly. I enjoyed this SO MUCH! What a clever and fun read, all the way through. (Sorry I didn’t get here earlier, very busy week.)

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