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Flash Friday 03/10/2014: Tricky Treats

October 3, 2014

It wasn’t until the vampire and the werewolf turned back down the garden path, their bags full of trick-or-treat candy, that Sandy realised that their costumes were very realistic. Too realistic.

“Excuse me,” she called out.

Both of the supernatural beings froze, their heads slowly turning to face Sandy.

“I know this may sound weird,” she continued, “but are you a real vampire and werewolf?”

The vampire snorted. “Real? Preposterous. Whoever heard of vampires and werewolves actually existing?”

“Well, it would be real easy for you to prove me wrong. All you would have to do is remove your fangs, and take the tail off of your friend.”

The vampire gave a worried side-look to the werewolf. The werewolf rubbed the base of its tail, shooting an aggressive stare at his friend.

“Alright, you got us,” the vampire said with a shrug. “I am Vladimir, and this is Snuffles. We’re both real. These are not costumes.”

“Really? So I was right? There really is a real vampire and werewolf going around late at night, collecting trick-or-treat candy?”

Vladimir grimaced. “I understand that it is weird for two supernatural beings to go on the hunt for a packet of Skittles. However, have you considered how problematic it would be to acquire such delectable fancies at any other time of the year? Centuries ago, Snuffles and I had no problem getting what we wanted. Now, you walk into a store, and everyone’s asking questions. ‘Who are you?’ and ‘what are you buying?’ and ‘why is your overgrown dog biting the ankles of my customers and eating the bacon?’. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get bacon? Do you think they deliver to haunted, abandoned houses on decrepit hills? I just want a tuna sandwich.”

“Tuna sandwich? But I thought vampires lived off of blood.”

Vladimir sighed. “We do, in the same way humans can live off of bread. You do not see many people walking home with just loaves, however. Alas, we have no choice. I drink blood all day, and Snuffles eats the rats that scuttles around. Both of us could kill for a return trip to Paris and have some foie gras for a change. But, this is all we can manage.” Vladimir held up his trick-or-treat bag. “And only once a year, too. Well, now that you know our secret, maybe next year you can get us something nice, ya? We’d like that a lot.”

Sandy watched as the pair continued down the path. She wished she could do something for them. As long as one of them was a pale-faced, long-toothed creature of the night, and the other was an anthropomorphic dog, there wasn’t much she could do. Neither of them could pass off as a normal human, at any rate.

Unless…

“Wait a minute,” she called.

The pair stopped at the gate, turning around. “What?” Vladimir said.

“Come in for a bit. I just had a great idea that will not only help you out now, but for the rest of the year as well.”

***

The doorbell rang.

“Just a minute” Grandma Beatrice said. She hobbled down the hallway with a walking stick, reaching out and opening the door with a shaky hand. “Oh. Well, you’re not quite what I was expecting.”

The man at the door frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, everyone who usually comes to the door is dressed like a ghost or a zombie, but you look…normal.”

“Trust me, I am very much in costume.”

“Very well then, dearie. Who are you dressed up as?”

“I’m Vladimir, the project lead of a programming team in a high-end, well-known business,” Vladimir said, the bushy moustache covering his mouth wiggling as he spoke. “Here is my business card.”

“Oh, that’s lovely, dear. And I take it this is your dog?”

There were not many disguises that would work for a full grown werewolf. Snuffles, therefore, had to be adapted to some sort of dog. Even then, Snuffles looked like he longed for a better disguise other than a poodle with bows in the hair.

“Isn’t he lovely?” Beatrice said, patting the werewolf’s head. “Very nice dog. I suppose you both want some candy, don’t you? Let’s see what I’ve got left in my basket.”

“Actually,” Vladimir said, catching Beatrice as she turned. “Do you have anything else?”

Beatrice blinked. “Something else?”

“Yes. I can’t really eat sugary foods without thinking about the state of my teeth. Not that I have special teeth in any way, of course.” He laughed nervously. “If you have something like, say…some baked beans, or something. That would be nice.”

Beatrice scratched her chin. “Don’t think I have any of that. Do you mind if I go take a look?”

“Just so long as it’s not made out of blood. Or rats.”

“Don’t think I have any of that in, so don’t you worry. Let’s see what I have in the kitchen.”

Beatrice turned her back on the pair as she walked back into the house, allowing Vladimir and Snuffles to give one another a covert wink. The menu just got a little bit larger today.

861 words

Forward Motion’s Flash Friday list

Friday Flash, a collector of flash fiction every Friday

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6 Comments
  1. LOL! I love it!

  2. Oh Sandy is a very bad neighbor.

  3. The things people look for when they trick or treat. Last year my wife gave out small bottles of bubbles. We actually had a kid walk away from the door, and say quite despondently, “Oh, it’s bubbles…”

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