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Flash Friday 10/10/2014: Sucky Situation

October 10, 2014

The crossbow Alex aimed was specifically designed to fire stakes. This made fighting vampires a little easier, which was a plus, given his role as a vampire hunter.

He was sure he could shoot the vampire from the bottom of the flight of stairs. The vampire, grinning with menace at the top, seemed to be amused at the concept of a vampire hunter in his own decrepit mansion. If the vampire knew how fast Alex’s stakes could travel, maybe his smile would not be so wide.

“It’s been too long,” the vampire said. “Guests are ever so few and far-between these days. It’s always nice to see new faces, even if they themselves are not nice to see.”

Alex sneered. His chiselled appearance was not that of grace, but he was far from ugly. “Nice to see yours, too. It would look nice on my wall.”

“Hah! Do you have any idea how many foolish men have stood where you stand, and claim what you state? Do you also know how many of those men left here with a body drained of blood?”

Alex tried to concentrate on his aim, but something was dancing on the edge of his subconscious. It sounded like distant music, but he could not make out the tune. It was, however, slowly getting louder.

“You humans think you know it all,” the vampire continued, as he began to pace back and forth. “And what is it that you can know, that I don’t? I’ve been alive for centuries, millennia even. I know more than a simple human would ever know, have fought people thousands of years before you showed. And yet you honestly believe that you’ll win.”

“Ace of Spades.”


“I…” Alex broke his stare at the vampire to look around. “I can hear Ace of Spades. You know, the Motorhead song?”

The vampire sighed. “Just…don’t pay attention to it, alright? It’s nothing.”

Alex was trying very hard not to, but the song did not cease to ramp in volume. It was now getting to the point where Alex could make out the lyrics.

“Where was I? Oh, yes. Us vampires have graced this world for thousands of years. Why is it then, that man decides they are strong enough to erase us from its face? What drives you?”

Alex cupped a hand around his ear to hear the vampire over the sound of the vibrating chandelier above him. “Sorry, what?”

“I said, what drives you?”


“I SAID–alright, sod it.” The vampire stormed off to the right, opened one of the doors along the wall, and recoiled back as the sound of music almost blasted him off of his feet. “What the hell are you doing in there?” he yelled.

The music died in volume instantly.

The vampire entered the room for a moment, then came back out dragging a boy by the ear. The boy looked very much like his father, with pasty white skin and slicked-back black hair. He did not look like the kind of child that stayed quiet and kept everything in one piece.

“Anton, you fool.” The vampire glared at his son. “What did I tell you about playing loud music when we have guests?”

Anton shrugged.

“You know what I told you, don’t you? No loud music, no running around the hallways, and absolutely no turning into a bat and roosting in people’s hair. Do you understand?”

Anton shrugged again. “Whatever, dad.”

“Now, what do you have to say to our guest here?”

Anton looked over towards Alex with the same regard as a pile of dirty laundry. Right when Alex expected some sort of teenage sass, Anton’s eyes slowly began to grow, a smile appearing on his face. “Oh, wow. Dad, who’s that guy?”

“Him? Pay no heed, he is merely a vampire hunter here to–”

“Wow, a vampire hunter! That’s really cool! I’m totally becoming a vampire hunter when I grow up.”

You’re a vampire!

Anton didn’t seem to care. He rushed down the stairs to meet Alex, who was debating between hugging him and shooting him. Thankfully, he went for neither.

“Wow,” Anton said, staring at the crossbow without blinking. “That’s awesome. I want a go.”

“Uh.” Alex peered at the crossbow. “It’s not really a toy, sorry.”

“Just one.” Anton grabbed the crossbow. “Go on, I won’t shoot anything valuable, promise.”

Alex had an adverse reaction to people seizing the one way he was getting out of this situation alive. In his attempt to tug the crossbow away and upward from the small vampire, his finger tightened around the trigger, firing the crossbow. A whistle sounded off as the bolt soared through up the stairs, coming to a stop with a fleshy thunk.

Alex and Anton looked up the stairs in horror.

The vampire’s eyes were wide in surprise. Slowly, with his right hand, he gently grabbed hold of the stake that was sticking out of his forehead. His terrified face never changing, he pulled at it until it came out with a sickening slimy sound. The vampire looked at the bolt with his wide eyes, dropped it on the floor, and then stared at Alex.

“I think,” the vampire said, “it’s high time you left.”

Alex nodded slowly. “We’ll catch up later, I guess.”

“Indeed. For now, can you leave me be with the boy for a moment? I have some…lessons I wish to impart.”

“Right. Right. Lessons. Uh.” Alex patted Anton on the head, who currently looked as if he was about to put his head on a block. “Good luck.”

Anton didn’t say anything.

“Well.” Alex began to walk backwards to the front door. “See you.”

He had not even made it all the way out before the bellowing voice of an angry vampire almost caused his heart to stop. The thought of hunting zombies became ever more attractive. At least they don’t talk back.

From → Flash Friday

  1. LOL I like this! I don’t know who I feel sorrier for, the vampire father or the vampire hunter.

  2. That’s funny. It really is. The troubles of raising a vampire teen!

    • You should see them at bedtime. Impossible to get them to bed, and when they do, they sleep for a century or two.

  3. That was fantastic! Loved this line especially, ” It’s always nice to see new faces, even if they themselves are not nice to see.”

  4. Micah Kipfer permalink

    For the father:

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