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Flash Friday 22/05/2015: Saturday Mourning

May 22, 2015

The Hero Squad burst into the evil genius’s lair, each of them donned in a full body suit corresponding to a colour; red, blue, yellow and green. The red one, presenting himself as the leader, pointed at the genius sitting atop of his throne.

“Roboticiser!” Red yelled. “We found your evil den and beat up your bad guys!”

The Roboticiser looked up from gazing at the floor. Despite being wide awake, he gave the appearance of staying up all night, at least from his one eye that wasn’t synthetic.. “Hm? What? All of them? Wow, that’s a hassle.”

“And now,” Blue said, “we’re here to save our friend, the alien dog from Mars, from being turned into a cruel robotics experiment by your evil hands! Give him up, or else we’ll Super Rainbow Power Fuse into the ultimate fighter and challenge you!”

The Roboticiser thumbed at a silver door beside the throne. “Yeah, he’s in there. Go get him. He hasn’t been turned into anything yet.”

Yellow struck a heroic pose. “Way to go, team! Justice saves the day once again! When we get back, there’ll be pizza for everyone! Let’s get–”

“Wait, hold on.” Red raised a hand. “Just time-out for a second, alright?”

Yellow blinked under the mask. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, I just…I just gotta check something real quick.”

Red left the team to approach The Roboticiser turned his head away.

“Dude,” Red said. “Are you…doing alright?”

“Yeah,” The Roboticiser spat. “I’m fine.”

“Well…the past few episodes we’ve come here, you’ve been a whole bundle of glee and malice. You’d never let us just walk by like this. Unless!” Red stood back, pointing a finger. “Aha! This is a devious trap by the ingenious Roboticiser, playing on my emotions! Your wily ways are not wasted on–”

The Roboticiser shook his head.

Red stood back. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

A nod.

Red hesitated, then approached The Roboticiser. He crouched beside him on his throne, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I think someone needs Super Rainbow Power One-On-One Time.”

The Roboticiser sniffled. “I just–!” He began, then choked. “I can’t do this villain stuff anymore. I’m a terrible villain.”

“Oh, come on, don’t say that. Remember that episode where you turned my friend into a robot and I had to fight him? That was — alright, maybe I didn’t think it was awesome, but if it happened to anyone else, I would have called it that.”

“Oh, sure, being a villain sounds great. A job where you get to be a jerk and get a sweet lab, it sure sounds nice on paper. But then, after the sixth week or so, it gets so draining. The heroes always destroy the creations you put love and attention into. They bust into your home, beat you up. The kids spot you in the shopping mall and say all sorts of rude things, things that kids shouldn’t even know at that age. And then there’s the toys.” The Roboticiser picked up a small plastic replica of himself, showing it to Red.

“I don’t see the problem.” Red gave a shrug. “That’s a pretty cool toy.”

Without breaking eye contact, The Roboticiser pressed a button on the toy’s chest. With a click, everything that could be labelled as a limb popped off of his torso at the same time, leaving him to hold a disembodied chest.

“Oh.” Red winced. “Well, you know, the kids love that sort of stuff.”

“It’s just not fair,” The Roboticiser said, collecting the pieces of himself. “I lost an eye and had to make my own, I gained a few pounds, and I have a natural evil cackle that is passed down from my mother. The only business that would take me on is the one that makes me out to be some kind of monster.” A heavy sigh. “Perhaps I should just admit that I am an awful person after all.”

“I think what you need, buddy, is a change in career.”

“A change!” The Roboticiser spat. “Who on earth is going to take on someone whose only work experience is turning small innocent creatures into robots?”

Red scratched his chin. “I can think of something.”

***

The mother rubbed her son’s shoulder as they both sat outside the operating room, the boy looking as if he was waiting for a death penalty.

“Listen, sweetie,” the mother said. “I’m sure Danny will be just fine.”

“But–” the boy began, his sentence interrupted by a sniffle. “But what if he’s not?”

“Don’t think about that, sweetheart. Have faith that they can do something.”

The door to the surgery opened, causing both to look up. The Roboticiser stepped out, a smile on his face. He gestured to the floor, where a puppy stood, its right front leg a robot replacement.

“Danny!” The child leapt from his chair and kneeled next to the dog, giving it a gentle hug around its neck.

“Thank you so much,” the mother said, giving a warm smile to The Roboticiser. “How can we ever repay you?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” The Roboticiser drew a remote control consisting solely of a huge red button, and pressed it. A panel opened up on the front of the dog’s robotic leg, revealing three small missiles that shot out, detonating in mid air like fireworks.

“They’re really good,” The Roboticiser beamed, handing the remote to the child. The boy admired it as if he was holding a trophy. “Adapted from a previous design. Season two, episode five. Couldn’t have won the day without them.”

“Well…” the mother said, eyeing the remote with hesitance. “Thank you for all you’ve done.”

“Not a problem. I hope you all…have a pleasant day!

Throwing his head back, The Roboticiser went into deep and evil cackle, causing everyone — including the dog — to look at him as if he were about to turn on them.

The Roboticiser stopped, then cleared his throat. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s hereditary.”

997 words

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Friday Flash, a collector of flash fiction every Friday

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2 Comments
  1. Fun story. Reminds me a little of Jessica Rabbit’s lament, “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.”

  2. I like this story. I’m glad the Roboticiser found a new calling. You did really well with this one!

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