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Flash Friday 13/01/2017: Welcome A Sword

January 14, 2017

Stuart was, as far as he was concerned, having a wonderful day.

Everyone else at the hero academy always called him names. ‘Stupid Stu’ was always their favourite one. It definitely got to him at the time, but hearing more and more reports of his hero academy bullies being slain by evil dictators, wizards, and demons, he felt he was the most intelligent simply through outliving everyone else. Even if Stuart’s enemies did call him ‘cute’ or ‘pathetic’ or ‘too idiotic to kill’.

But he was the one laughing now. In fact, he was laughing now, swinging his newly-acquired sword back and forth as he walked the forest path. The sword was entirely jet-black, apart from its hilt, which was blood-red and shaped like bat wings. The sword rippled the air with a black mist as Stuart swung it side to side.

A demonic face on the upper part of the hilt grimaced. “Please stop that, I feel sick.”

Stuart beamed happily at the demonic face. “Well, I have to practice for when I go on my many adventures. Do you know what those many adventures will contain?”

“Please, educate me. I’m so keen to know.”

“Adventure!” Stuart boasted. “And lots of evil slaying. Yes, you and I are going to be the best heroes this land has ever seen! I’ll get lots of ladies, and you’ll get lots of…lady swords. Are there lady swords?”

I have no idea.”

“Well, if there are, you’ll get them!”

“Very nice. Say, while we’re discussing who we are, do you mind if I tell you what I am, exactly?”

“Sure!” Stuart beamed. “I love introductions.”

“That’s good, for I am Bloodbane, and I was forged in the deepest pits of hell to terrorise the puny mortals above. I have corrupted many a mind before you; all those who holt my hilt are driven to insanity, bloodlust, and murder.”

Stuart blinked. “I don’t feel much different.”

“Yes, that’s because you were too stupid for me to take over.”

“Hurray! Stuart saves the day again!”

“But it’s not too late, you know. Just because the clay is unmolded, doesn’t mean it always has to be that way. My effects can be used even if I don’t control your puny mind. You could hold me aloft and cry ‘Alomadora’ and a bolt of undeath will strike all in front of you, killing them instantly. Do you not want that sort of power?”

“Do you also know what you can do? Slice bad guys in half. And, if you ask me, that’s a very important feature of a sword.”

“Untold power can be yours!”

“Sure, but I bet you’d make a fuss about me using it for evil and all that nonsense. But you still cut well! That’s a plus!”

“Yes, but if you’d only listen, I can make you–”

A bush by the path rustled. A man, with a cruel face and knife in hand, jumped out of it, pointing his blade at Stuart. “A’right,” the robber said. “Think I’ve ‘eard enough. Your little trinket there sounds jus’ what I’m needin’, so I’m gonna be wantin’ you to hand it over or I’ll open up your neck.”

“Yes!” the sword exclaimed in happiness. It shot forward on its own, desperate to escape Stuart’s grasp and give itself to its new master. “Take me! I’m your sword now! Wield me!”

“No!” Stuart said, pulling back as if he was trying to control a kite in strong winds. “”Bad sword! Bad, naughty sword! No running away!”

“Do it! Take me! I’ll give you untold power! Summoning beasts from the realms of nightmare! Pain and anguish to all your enemies! Just take me already!”

A smirk crept up on the robber’s face as he cautiously approached. “Looks like your own sword isn’t happy with ya,” he said. “Sorry, mate.”

“No! He’s a very good sword and he’s going to help me defeat evil! He just needs to learn how to behave and be swung when he’s told to! I’m sure there’s obedience classes for this sort of thing!”

“You cannot tame me!” the sword spat. “I will not let you swing me! Let me go!”

“Oh, wait a minute. I don’t even need to swing you, do I? What was that word you said that can ‘strike all in front of me’?”

“No!” the sword cried. “Don’t you dare!”

“Oh, yeah! I think I remember the word you said!”

“You’ll regret this!”

“Alomadora!” Stuart cried out.

A black bolt of lightning shot out of the sword, striking the robber in the chest and blasting him backward, his clothes catching on fire instantly. The sound of the air cracking and the robbers yelp drowned out the sword as it cried out in dismay.

Stuart stared into the distance for a while, as if processing what had just happened. Once he had gotten over that, he said, “cor! That was excellent. You’re right, you’re definitely a very lovely sword. I’ll be smiting so much evil with you.”

“But I don’t want to smite evil!” the sword cried, sounding on the brink of tears. “I want to earn havok!

“Well, with an attitude like that, the only thing you’re earning is twenty minutes in the naughty sheath.”

“No! Not the sheath! It smells like–”

The rest of the sword’s words were muffled as Stuart slid the cursed sword into a sheath on his waist. He continued down the path, smiling and humming as he went. Yes, this was going to be a fine sword indeed.

924 words

Inspired by this prompt.

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One Comment
  1. Infollible One permalink

    I think this may be one of my favourites of yours. I could see these two having a whole series all their own. I especially love the idea of a hero who survives because he’s just so dumb and pitiable; that’s great!

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