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Flash Friday 07/07/2017: Thwarting Thieves

July 7, 2017

Overlord hated rogues. He wasn’t one for sneaking, and he certainly wasn’t one for being robbed of his sword as he walked down a shady woodland road with his companion, Imp. But here he was, without a weapon, glaring down the smug-faced thief who was juggling Overlord’s broadsword as if it were made of paper.

“That’s mine,” Overlord said, in a deep tone. “Give it back.”

“I know it’s yours,” the thief said, with a grin. “Wouldn’t call meself a thief if I went around taking what’s rightfully mine, now, would I?”

“You are making a grave mistake. I am Overlord, ruler of this–”

“Save your breath. I know who you are. Heard stories of how you like to cut people clean in half if they dare pick a fight with you. Well, now that’s out of the way,” he said, as he casually threw the sword into the surrounding shrubbery, “let’s see what you’re really made of.”

“Very well.” Overlord punctuated his point with a few knuckle cracks. “But I’ll have you know that demonic magic is second nature to me. I have no need for weapons; I can bend the Underworld’s power to my will.”

“Ooh,” the thief cooed in a mocking tone. “Big and scary, are we? Let’s see if your precious demons can save you from a dagger to the neck.”

The two stood off from one another.

“Imp,” Overlord muttered, holding out his hand to his smaller friend. “Hand me my Tome of Demonology. I need it for reference.”

Imp blinked. “Uhm, I don’t have it.”

Overlord flashed a glare. “And why not?”

“Because we already returned the book to the library, remember? You said you’d memorize all ‘the important bits’ before we gave it back. I told you that we should have just stolen it.”

“Now Imp, the librarian is a very nice man who lends us his aid when he can. Plus, his late fees are extortionate.”

“But what are we going to do now?

“Don’t fret. I’m sure once the nice thief learns of our predicament, he’ll sympathize with our plight and let us guruguh.

Overlord and Imp had forgotten the number one rule when engaging rogues; never take your eye off of them. The thief, who Overlord thought was being polite and waiting, had managed to sneak behind and wrapped an arm around Overlord’s neck.

After many years of pranks from Imp, it was now Overlord’s second nature to immediately throw anything grabbing him from behind over his shoulder. As such, before the thief’s dagger could perform its coup de grace, the thief found himself being thrown to the ground.

“You know,” Overlord growled, “you’re not being very pleasant about this.”

The thief picked himself up, teeth gritted. His ego looked more injured than his body. “Let’s see if you like me any more after this.”

The thief came back with a flurry of knife swipes, too enraged for anything more intricate. Overlord, who still believed he should be the angry one, dodged the swipes with a look of confusion on his face.

“Imp,” Overlord said, in a tone akin to a teacher telling another to discipline a rowdy child. “You said you’d tear a page out of the book before we gave it back and hoped they wouldn’t notice, correct?”

“Oh! You’re right!” Imp snapped his fingers, and in a burst of fire, a page magically appeared in his hands. “Totally forgot about that. Yes, the spell that summons basic hellfire. Excellent.” Imp cleared his throat, then began to read out loud. “First, channel Kuur energy in right hand.”

Inbetween his dodges and weaves, Overlord held out his right arm, green fire coiling in his hand. “Done.”

“Invoke a sense of anger. Picture an event, happening, or person that makes you feel angry.”

“Oh,” Overlord said, locking eyes with the thief. “I did that a long time ago.”

“Now go for an Um-Rah-Duum chant and disperse the Kuur energy into the ground.”

“Did you say ‘Duum’ or ‘Guum’?”

“Is there a difference?”

“I vaguely remember that one of those two orders a large pepperoni pizza from the nearest devil-run restaurant.”

“D, for ‘Duck’.”

“Or ‘Doesn’t know how to use a dagger’,” Overlord said, smirking at the thief.

The thief went for an anger-driven charge, which Overlord easily countered with a leg trip. This gave him the time to properly execute the chant and slam his right fist into the ground, which cracked with green energy.

“Right,” Overlord said as the thief struggled to his feet. “Any more steps?”

Imp peered at the paper. “Nope, just says ‘If you performed these steps correctly, prepare the virgin sacrifices and gold, as your Lord of the Underworld should arrive shortly for his tribute and will be infuriated if you don’t have one ready’.”

Everyone froze in fear.

“Oh.” Imp said, crestfallen. He turned the page over. “The hellfire spell was on the other page. Oops.”

Overlord and the thief stared in horror at Imp.

“Well,” Imp continued. “I mean, he hasn’t arrived yet, so hopefully you botched the spell or some–”

The cracked ground begin to open up into a large pit, causing everyone to jump back. A huge demon pulled his head up out of the hole, looking around with a sour look on his face.

“I don’t see any tribute,” the demon growled. “Who dared summon me from my realm without proper payment?”

The thief pointed at Overlord. In response, Overlord and Imp pointed back at the thief.

The demon frowned, then gave a colossal shrug. “Eh, two against one.”

The thief managed to get a running headstart before the great demon managed to pull himself up fully and gave chase, but given how quickly the demon stomped after his ‘summoner’, it seemed pretty futile. Still, the thief must have gained some distance, as the stomping and yelling gradually faded into the distance.

“So,” Overlord whimpered. “How about we go back to the library and enquire about loaning it out again?”

1000 words

Starring Overlord an Imp, a reoccurring favourite in my Flash Fridays.

Forward Motion’s Flash Friday list

Friday Flash, a collector of flash fiction every Friday (requires Facebook)

From → Flash Friday

  1. LOL, too funny.

  2. LOL This was good. I like how they got out of that one.

  3. Infollible One permalink

    Overlord and Imp, always great to read!

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